I feel like I have been here for years! It's hard to remember what life was like without these people and this place being a part of it. I am so blessed, I really can't believe it sometimes. And I will say though, that realizing that I am blessed to be here did not come naturally. It was so easy to see all the inconvenient, uncomfortable, annoying things about this place. I know what you're thinking..."What an ungrateful crazy person! You are in Australia and you are complaining!"...But my problems, hang ups, insecurities didn't stay in Texas. They came with me...and in order to make room for more of God in me, they are having to go. It is one of the hardest experiences I have ever been through. Just letting God uproot all the bitterness and junk that has planted itself in my heart for so long, things I didn't even know were there. Word to the wise...when you ask God to change your life and your heart...He takes you seriously! So be careful what you wish for.
Needless to say, my heart is a busy place these days. It's exhausting, but even though sometimes I wish that I could just go back to normal...it is really exciting to feel God doing work in you and seeing Him do it in other people. We are all changing, and becoming more of who we were made to be, and I love God for that...He isn't finished with us yet and the best is yet to come.
I got asked to be a key student in my tutorial, which means that I am in charge of the Pastoral Care for my group of 20 students. I call people if they aren't showing up or are sick, make sure everyone is doing ok emotionally and check in with my trainer to let her know how everyone is going. It's a really cool honor, because I was nominated by the staff and I feel like it's something God has definitely put on my heart to do. I also got asked to sing a song I wrote for a songwriting workshop this week, and got some really good feedback. Alot of the people who were listening an evaluating are really talented and I respect them alot, and to hear them say that God has anointed me to write songs and lead worship was really awesome. It seemed like people really related to the words and the heart behind the lyrics, and it was so sweet to see people touched by words and music I feel like God laid on my heart. Sounds like a good week right? And it was. But my reaction was not what I expected. I realized that it is scary when God makes your dreams come true. And it is scary when he gives you the desire of your heart sometimes.
I know God has plans to prosper and not harm, I know that he planned good works in advance for me to do. But I have been praying for this for so long. Praying that God would put me in a place where I can sing songs I have written and minister to people and learn His word and be in another country and even being at Hillsong is a desire I have had for almost 2 years now. And he has given it to me...and I think I forgot how generous He truly is. He loves to bless and fulfill desires of the heart. He loves to prosper me and answer prayers I have prayed out of wanting to follow and obey Him.
So if I could encourage you with one thing, it would be to be ready for God to make your dreams come true. And be open to seeing when He does. And a question I had to ask myself was, Why am I surprised when God gives me things I have asked for? Why do I hesistate to walk in certain blessings? I think when cool things happen or when the small details of everyday life like someone buying you coffee when you wanted one but you had no money, happen we always chalk it up to coincidence. When we run into people that we have been wanting to talk to or different things like that, we always say it is a small world. But I heard some preach recently, "It's not a small world, it's a big God."
He sees you. He knows your heart and what you are praying and longing for, and I wish I was in a better position in my heart to see that when it does happen. We serve a good, loving, faithful God who takes joy in being generous with his resources. There is NO risk in putting all your faith and trust in Him. There is NO possibility for dissapointment as long as at the end of day, we know that His way is the best way and the only way.
My good friend Josh and I are working on a recording of one of my songs right now, and I haven't really ever done this but I thought I would put up the words for you guys. I usually play in really loud coffee shops and I don't think most people have heard words to many of my songs, but hopefully I can get a recroding out to you guys soon. God has big things in store for you. Dont' get discouraged if you aren't where you want to be or feel like you need to be, because He never comes to late or shows up to early. He is right on time with ALL things. And He sees you. You are loved, not forgotten. And loved dearly :) Have a wonderful week full of blessing and fulfilled dreams.
On the Altar by Lindsey Hasbrouck
If I can't have what I long for, take this longing from me.
Wash me in water, or refine me in the flames, until I'm free.
I look around and all I see, are people getting what I think I need.
I know I shouldn't ask you this, but could you teach me patience differently.
Hope deferred, makes my heart grow sick.
Love's awake and, I'm ready to be free of this.
But I will take, I will take the cup you give...I lay it on the altar.
Is it wrong to want something, that I was made for.
I am here wrestling, I'm here wrestling with you Lord.
I know that you are all I need, and that your love is enough for me.
I know I shouldn't ask you this but could you teach me patience differently.
Hope deferred, makes my heart grow sick.
Love's awake and, I'm ready to be free of this.
But I will take, I will take the cup you give...I lay it on the altar.
My wants and fears, all that weighs me down,
I sing this song, to remind me that I am free now.
There is no risk, in giving You my heart.
Be brave,
Lindsey
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