This week was one of the sweetest yet in the 3 months I have been on this adventure that is following Jesus to Hillsong International Leadership College. We are on a school holiday! A much MUCH needed holiday. The weather has been gloomy and spirits were low. We all needed some new scenery. We started off the week by going to the Sydney Aquarium at Darling Harbor and the Sydney Tower...which sadly left much to be desired. I am a big dolphin fan and they were nowhere to be found...but it was still nice to get away and do something new. Next up was Newcastle. It is a 3 hour train ride from Sydney, a fairly quiet city on the beach. And let me tell you, trains are the way to go. I was listening to Jon Foreman's EPs on the way up...watching the lakes and trees and clouds and sunshine in the wee hours of the morning, set to his music was nothing short of poetic. One of the songs has these words:
"this place is where I breathe, but let it never be called home..."
I thought about that alot during my 3 hours on that train...The beauty of what God has made was breathtaking. And only continued to amaze me as I walked along the beaches of Newcastle. I honestly just couldn't stop thinking about the Lord. It wasn't so much prayer or talking to Him...but He was just on my mind. A little "selah" maybe? My heart just couldn't meditate on anything but how awesome He really is. And not awesome like a good sale at J Crew is awesome...awesome like fills me with awe. I was thinking about how I worry about how I will overcome my struggles, about loved ones who need healing, about people I love not knowing Jesus, about how He will provide...He lit the world up with a word. He filled humanity with life in a single breath. He dresses the flowers. He filled oceans with an amount of water and the sky with a number of stars and the beaches with grains of sand that are incomprehensible and will always be to our finite minds. And this is the God who is FOR ME. With God for us, who really can be against us? We forget He won the fight. Death is broken. It is finished. Back to the words of the song...All this wonder and awe is I can see in a place that is not even our home. It is where we breath, it's where we walk, it's where we are now...But our hearts long for the place we were made for. As wonderful as this world can seem on days like the day I spent in Newcastle...heaven is so much more. Heaven is home. And if a broken, lost world like this one can have so much beauty, just imagine what home is going to be like.
My mind has been running at 100 miles an hour lately. So many questions and worries and thoughts. Not all bad. Some good and worth while. But I so easily get frustrated with myself when I feel like I should know better. Lately I feel like my heart has been playing some games with me. I have no idea what I want to do after this year at Hillsong is done. There are things I know God has given me a love for, but my flesh wants answers and isn't getting any. My heart has failed me. My flesh has failed me. Then I came across this scripture in a moment of sheer desperation while I was playing the "flip the Bible open and take what I can get" game. God cut me some slack that day, because He gave me exactly what I needed, even with my silly games.
"My heart and flesh may fail me, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." Psalms 73:26
I love the Word. God is our portion. I love how he says the word portion in that scripture. I think that when we feel hopeless, we want God to just grant all of our wishes and make all the monsters get out from under our bed and outside our closets. He doesn't wave the wand and everything is peachy. He is the exact portion that we need at that time. We couldn't handle anything more or less than that. He is daily bread...not all the bread at once. We will always have what we need each day, and what He gives is sufficient. A loving and faithful savior is the strength of your heart. We have not strength enough to make it through even a day.
See God in the little things and the big things. Stop long enough to be filled with awe at what your God has done and is doing. And remember that although this is where we breathe, being homesick for what we were made for is ok. There is more than this. And the moments when we can see God in what He has made are moments we can taste of eternity and what home will be like. I pray you are falling more in love with Jesus everyday like I am...even the rough days :) I love you and miss you, and to prove it I wrote it in the sand.