Water for my soul and stealing a row boat...

It has been a while since I have gotten to sit down and write out my thoughts and feelings, so this is for all intensives purposes, a journal entry. You are about to see into the soul of a confused American living in another country trying to chase after her God with all her might. And let me just say that sometimes it feels like He is running so fast and I will never catch up! I don't know about you but there are just days when I feel like I give 100% and He wants 100% more on top of that. But I am ready and excited and hungry for more. Which may sound crazy, but if there is anything in this life worth this much uncomfort and confusion and exhaustion...it is running with all I have after a God who has chosen me before He even spoke light into our sky and has called me His own child. And I have found that it is when I feel the smallest and weakest, that I release God into being my provider and comfort and savior. And the things God is speaking to my heart here feels like a glass of ice cold water after I have spent a week walking through a desert. And the thirstier you are, the sweeter the water tastes.

This place is changing me, inside and out. I am learning things and desiring a depth in the Lord I didn't even know to desire. They talk to us about what kind of worship leaders to be, and how to lead a team, and what it means to truly be a worshiper, and sometimes all I can do is literally cry while they are talking because I want what they are telling us about SO intensely. I want to mean it when I say "Your will not mine". I want to genuinely love others with the love God has for them, even when they are given more opportunities than me. I want to let God raise me up and fight for me instead of me always trying to find fame and recognition in my own strength. I honestly have never felt more lacking in maturity and leadership in my whole life! I am surrounded by these incredible people who are on the Hillsong United tour, and preaching to nations and I feel so far away from the person God wants me to be. BUT I also am so peaceful and ready and excited because I know I am in the right place at the right time. I feel like God is just ripping out all these weeds that have been slowly growing in my heart, and giving me a brand new start. Making me ready for new seeds, new dreams, new songs. So that they can grow and I can see a little bit clearer the beautiful things God has for me.

He is so good y'all. If you don't feel like that, or don't believe that anymore, be encouraged. He is faithful, and slow to anger, and a good shepherd to His children.Ask and you shall recieve, knock and the door shall be opened unto you.

Now for a fun story. Mom and Dad don't get mad! So my friend Michelle and I went to get dinner last night at a place called "Mmmm...more" (that is not a joke. So we are eating and a guy name Cameron who is in our intake at Hillsong walks by, and comes in to sit with us for a while. Michelle actually can't stand him, but we ended up talking for an hour and she told by the end of the night "I didn't like you at all about 30 minutes ago, but now I think you are pretty nice". Did I mention that I LOVE this girl! Anyway, we end up going back to his flat to use his internet when his roommate Josh comes in, also a student. He has a car, and says "I'm bored, y'all wanna drive somewhere?" SO we hop in the car and drive for an hour and end up at some beach across from teh Sydney Harbour. It was amazing! The stars were breathtaking. Michelle kept saying "Can we just take a minute and remember that we live here now." It was wonderful. So the four of us find a rowboat with paddles on the shore. 4 bored college kids on a beach in a foreign country...yah we got in the boat and rowed out into the sea before long Michelle sees a light turn on in one of the houses and we literally book it to shore. I have NEVER run so fast in my entire life...an old man yells "Get outta here" as we run for our lives toward the car. And did I mention the beach is rocky? Yah...a definite test of my athletic ability, which as you all know is lacking sufficiently. We made it home an hour later and then Michelle has our 69 cent for 6 doughnuts :) But it was really nice to just get away from the city and finally do something other than listen to a lecture. God is so kind...He knew I needed that.

Well, this was rather lengthy, but there is seriously so much going on that I want to share with y'all! Please email me or message me if you want to know more details, or skype me or call me...i feel like I just asked you all to stalk me haha. But I really do miss you guys, and want to know what's going on back home :) Thanks for reading and know that you are loved.

Be brave.

Linds